Muck – The largest financial regret of my life
Written and directed by: Steve Wolsh
Some moths ago, I donated $25 to help fund a horror film on Kickstarter. It’s campaign promised that it would be a good old fashion splatter fest, complete with lots of practical effects and bloody mayhem. My reward for the donation was that I would receive the bluray, before it’s release in stores. I figured it would be a fun way to see a few dollars put on screen in the form of a fun throw back horror flick.
About a month ago, to my surprise I got an email from the Kickstarter campaign creators saying that they were sorry but, due to piracy concerns, they would NOT be sending out the backer blurays before release. In fact, they would be sending them out two weeks after they were available in stores (for the reasonable price of $9.99). Needless to say, I was a little upset. I mean that is low. To lie to the people who are giving their hard earned money to help fund your film?! Wow…
Nevertheless, I finally got my copy. After debating whether or not I would be able to review the film without the above story being a factor, I finally decided that I could remain objective. So, I popped it in, and watched… and now I am even more angry than before.
The “Plot” of the movie starts out with a group of half naked, mud-covered, twenty-somethings running out of a marsh. Screaming and bloody, they are clearly fleeing something horrible. They quickly find an abandoned house, and decide to take refuge. Already I realized that ,regardless of how little clothing the women were wearing or how funny the guys were trying to be by spouting out lame jokes about how “Horror film cliche” their situation was, this group of “Protagonists” was painfully unlikeable. Anyway, I kept watching as they sent one of the group off for help, while the rest stayed behind and decided to raid the liquor cabinet (you know… because when you are injured, horrified, and being pursued by some unknown thing you gotta have some shots). Noah (Draper) runs to a local bar looking for a phone to call for help. Before doing so though he decides to wash up in the bathroom, and take tequila shots with some women who look like they have had WAY too much plastic surgery (picture 2015 Jenna Jameson).
Meanwhile, back at the house, one of the girls decides she is going to take a long, hot shower while everybody else gets attacked by a bunch of bald, pasty guys called “Creepers”. We don’t know where they came from, why they came, or what they want other than to rip off as much of the human’s clothing as they possibly can. I would keep going, but some of you might actually decide to watch this movie and I don’t want to ruin it for you.
Basically “Muck” is just a bunch of scenes of women finding excuses to take off their clothes, and douchey bros acting like… well douchey bros. Throw in the chalk-white, extremely uncoordinated killers and you’ve got one hell of a terrible horror film. I mean sure, the 15 year old in me loves a flick with a lot of skin, but at what cost?! There is no story, nobody to care about, and while there are a couple of fun kills and maybe two laughable jokes it is nowhere near enough for me to ever watch this movie again (except maybe to make fun of it with a friend).
The end of the story is that not all investments pay off. In this case, I definitely got ripped off. But, you guys can own “Muck” for much less than I payed, if you like.