Review: ‘Eaters’ Is So Bad It Becomes Hilarious







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Posted October 8, 2015 by

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While five friends are on a road trip, one of them goes missing at a rest stop area and the remaining members of the group think a violent biker gang that was in the area are to blame. Confronting them may be scary, but the gang becomes to least of their worries once they begin dealing with the locals.

There are movies that are so terribly bad (and not on purpose) that they become hilarious: go ahead and add ‘Eaters’ to that group. As soon as the film starts and the actors start speaking, you begin thinking, “Wait…is this supposed to be this bad? Is this one of those films where I missed that it’s actually a comedy?” With this one, no such disclaimer was missed. This movie is doing everything it can to add itself to the ranks of well-done horror movies and fails miserably. Let’s start from the beginning:

The acting is absolutely atrocious. I tried to find one actor in this that I could at least point to and say, “Well that person knows what they’re doing”. I couldn’t find one. It’s one of those moments where you look at the other person watching the movie with you and hope they don’t blame you for what’s happening on the screen. Terrible jokes, unnatural reactions to things; basically five people that have clearly never met trying to act as if they’ve been best friends for years. And that’s just the main group. The ‘violent biker gang’ that they go up against in the beginning of the film are trying their best to act tough, but it’s hard to be menacing when one of you looks like a painter from the 50’s, the leader of the group is wearing Harry Shearer’s wig from ‘This Is Spinal Tap’, and one of you appears to be trying to talk in a much deeper voice than you actually possess. Honestly, the luckiest people in this movie are the townspeople that pop up halfway through and that’s only because they’re wearing bags over their heads so no one knows what they look like. Everyone in this movie reminded me of how my friends and I acted when we shot movies for classes in high school: constantly trying to ignore the camera, failing at acting natural, and trying to add in comedy that ends up falling flat.

The only reason the villains pose any threat whatsoever to the main group of friends is because the friends attack them as slow as possible, seem to think it’s a good idea to split up for no reason and be on their own, and don’t run away when the bagheads are walking towards them. Simply jogging would have gotten all of these people out of harm’s way, but then the movie would only be 30 minutes long.

While a stronger script would not have helped any of these actors look better at their job, Tabor does stick them with a convoluted mess. When you make a horror movie, having a clear villain is definitely helpful. One minute you’re watching this ‘biker gang’ threatening to kill all of these kids, and then you have cannibal bag people that appear to just like to chop people up and carry around Harley Quinn-like hammers. The movie has a couple different endings — including a hidden one after the ending credits — and each ending is just as unsatisfying as the rest. I can only assume Tabor was setting this up to be a sequel, but honestly I’d be happier if he just said all of the characters died in a horrible fashion and we’ll never see them again.

If you want to laugh for 90 minutes, this is the horror movie for you.





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