31 Days of Horror: “Nightmare Weekend” (1986)

 

 
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Posted October 22, 2016 by

 
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Ladies and gentlemen, we may have a winner! I don’t mean that in a good way. I mean it in a “This might be the worst movie ever made!” way. Over the decades, Troma has given us hundreds if not thousands of titles. Some have been good, some have been bad, but only one has been “Nightmare Weekend”. An utter abomination of a film, “Nightmare Weekend”is (thankfully) the only non-French-soft-core directorial effort of Henri Sala. It was also the first film in the long career of “NYPD Blue” actress and CNN newswoman Andrea Thompson, as well as one of the first films for Dale Midkiff (Pet Sematary). But, it is so SOOOO much more than just those things!

nightmare-weekend-2The plot (if you can call it that) is truly a wonder to behold. A brilliant scientist develops a super computer, that creates magical pinballs, that, when ingested by animals or humans, reverse any and all personality flaws. Of course, Mr. scientist has a back-stabbing, evil assistant Julie (Debbie Laster) who wants to use the technology for personal gain. She invites three ditzy, horny college girls up to her mansion for a “Relaxation experiment”. The girls swim, and drink, and try to hook up with any male life form they encounter (which includes many boring, poorly lit, soft-core sex scenes).

Did I mention George yet? No?!? Well, have I got a treat for you! George is the name of a creepy hand puppet that acts as both the user interface to Apache (the all-powerful super computer) and best friend/confidant/creepy voyeur to Jessica (Debra Hunter), daughter of the scientist and rival to Julie the evil assistant. With his lifeless eyes, green comb over, creepy monotone voice, and black heart for a mouth George is hands down the star of this movie. He is only in it for about a total of 10 minutes, but what a ten minutes they are! So many wonderful memories, like when George says sweetly comforting things to Jessica such as “Need more information” and “Does not compute”. It is so adorable when Jessica plays the car game on her computer and George watches, has what seems like a violent seizure, and claps maniacally in Jessica’s face. Oh and the best is when he tells Jessica that the best way to meet the love of her life is by hitchhiking! Move over, Hal from “2001”. Step aside, Bishop from “Aliens”. George is hands down the best depiction of AI in any film ever!

Anyway… the experiment backfires, and turns all of the bimbos into zombie-like things. There are a multitude of jump cuts to random things, like people driving in cars for five seconds, or moronic greaser guys dancing like Carlton from “Fresh Prince” to whatever awful bebop music they are listening to. Jessica meets Ken (Dale Midkiff), and, after watching a thug have sex with his girlfriend on top of a pinball machine together, they fall in love. A bunch of other insanity takes place, including a guy getting killed by an evil pair of panties. There is a tarantula that wonders around the mansion the entire time, a hilarious theme song called “Nightmare Fantasy”, and I don’t even know what on earth the ending was. Well… that about wraps things up.

nightmare-weekend-3The worst editing I have ever seen in a film? Check! The most headache-inducing jump cuts? Check! The most poorly lit bar in the universe? Check! And, I could go on! This movie has to be the holy grail for lovers of Z-movies. It may be the worst film ever created. Now I just want everyone I know to see it, so that I have people to talk to about what I just experienced.


MikeD

 


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