31 Days Of Horror: “HoneyBee” Is A Train Wreck I Couldn’t Look Away From



Title: HoneyBee
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Posted October 26, 2016 by

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It’s October. The month of Halloween celebrations. The time of the year when everyone gets in the horror spirit and we aim to scare ourselves, enjoy everything terrifying, and do our best to scare others. It’s the month that we here at The Film Philosopher dedicate every single review we do to the horror genre and do our best to aim you in the right direction to watching the perfect scary movie. It’s also when we see a lot of terrible films, too, on our quest to finding the good ones, and “HoneyBee” may just be the worst out of all of them. I have yet to create a drinking game for when you’re viewing this film, but the ability to have one has never been more prevalent.

Hillary (Connie Saltzman) and her father Danny (Andrew Start) are leading a quiet life in a quiet town. That is until the new neighbors move in — Louisa (Suzanne Jaehne) and her five sons — and are adored for their looks as much as they are for the mystery that surrounds them. While everyone seems to be committed to impressing the new family, a dark secret lies just below the surface; one that will end life as they know it for good.

When I was reading reviews for this film, I kept coming across the two words “comedy” and “campy”, so I figured I was getting myself into a film that didn’t take itself seriously and was going for the big laughs while the horror genre just served as the backdrop. This couldn’t be further from the truth. There was no comedy — at least not intentional — and the campy aspect I read about is really just a bad film that did take itself seriously but couldn’t deliver a watchable movie. “HoneyBee” is the kind of movie you get when a teenage kid that hasn’t ventured outside of their hometown writes a movie about “exotic” people and every day life. Awkward conversations, character reactions that are embellished to the point they’re ludicrous, and a take on vampires that should be stricken from the record. My favorite part of the whole film though is how Hillary’s father compares her to her mother and she laughs innocently; then later he tells Louisa a story about how his wife was a bipolar cheater that killed herself when her failed secret relationship didn’t work out. Kind of makes you wonder why Hillary took that as a compliment.

Another plotline I didn’t understand was the fact that Louisa apparently has her young sons seduce the girls of whatever town they’re in in order to bring back to her so she can stay youthful, yet we only see her “feeding” off of men until the very end of the film. It’s inconsistencies like that that crop up throughout the entire film and while you’re busy laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, you’re probably missing something even more so. There’s a scene where Hillary climbs a ladder up to her new neighbor’s window (don’t ask me how that ladder got there or why) and sees Louisa doing…something. I had to rewind it and I’m still unsure what it was. Having sex? Throwing up? Doing push-ups? I have no clue. Maybe if you watch this you can tell me. But it’s moments like that that were really the only reason to continue watching this movie; to see how ridiculous it could actually get before it threw in the towel and ran the credits.

You will find yourself wondering why the movie is titled “HoneyBee” and when you find out the answer, you’re going to be just as bummed by it as you were by everything else in this film. It’s a terrible take on the vampire lore, it’s a terrible take on a horror movie, and it’s the worst depiction of human interaction I have ever seen. The only redeeming part of this movie: one of the actor’s names is Pokey Spears. I don’t know why that makes me so happy.

Another reviewer said they’d love to see what writer and director Nicki Harris could do with a bigger budget. I’m hoping we never find out.





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